When Counseling Doesn’t Work

When therapy doesn’t work, (or when counseling doesn’t work), it can feel hopeless.  We turn to professionals for help, but we’re not feeling any better.  What can you do to fix it?   With a little time and these tips, you can refocus with your current therapist, or pick a new counselor.  

6 steps to make counseling work: 

• Decide if you’re ready for change.  The Transtheoretical Model describes the Stages of Change that most of us experience when we start thinking about what we want and need.  The therapeutic relationship between you and your Counselor is intended to help you make the changes.  The Counselor does not have a magic wand to fix things (I wish we did)!  Even if you’re still just thinking about a change and aren’t ready to do it yet, a Counselor can help you through that decision making process. 

 

• Choose the type of clinician best suited to your needs, based on their educational focus.  
  • Need help with neurodivergent experiences, anxiety, trauma, or anything else personal? You may do best with a Licensed Mental Health Counselor (LMHC). 
  • Having trouble with your partner or your family?  A Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) might be the right fit.  
  • Do you need resources to help your situation?  A Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) is likely to be the answer.  

 

• Read through a few Counselor bios and find one who you feel will respect your values.  Mental Health Counselors are trained to set aside their own beliefs in order to work within the client’s belief system, but some are better at it than others.   And don’t automatically reject someone because their beliefs are different than yours if other pieces of their bio line up with your preferences.  You may just find that a Counselor with different political or religious views from yours can provide insight into your family member or coworker who struggles to see your point of view.  If, however, your clinician belittles or judges your views, it may be time to change clinicians.

 

• Talk to your Counselor!  Whether you are not quite happy with your current progress, or are interviewing a new clinician to see if they’re a good fit, it’s important to be honest and tell them what you’re thinking and feeling.  If there’s a problem, let them know!  We are trained to resolve conflicts and restore the relationship, but can’t read your mind.  

 

• A good clinician will not be upset, even if you decide you would prefer someone from your own cultural or religious background, for example.  We’ll even refer you to someone else if we are not trained in the specific area in which you need assistance.  In my own practice, I offer a free 15-minute consultation so clients can decide for themselves if they’d like to work with me before making their first appointment.  

 

• Ask about the types of treatments your Counselor uses, and why.  Don’t be surprised, though, if many of the answers include Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, as it is well-researched as an effective technique across many populations.  

 

• Practice outside of your session.  Much like learning how to play an instrument or a sport, you’re learning new skills to improve your mental health.  If you practice outside of your sessions, you’re likely to make more progress, more quickly.  

With these six steps, most of us can select and work with a Counselor who fits our personality and respects our values.  The most important thing to remember, though, is to talk to your Counselor if something isn’t working.  A good Counselor is open to feedback and adapting to meet your needs.   As always, if you’re in Florida and would like to learn how to not just survive, but to thrive in a toxic environment, please contact us.  

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