 The last resolution I made is the only one I’ve kept - to stop making New Year’s Resolutions. While the new year is a great opportunity for a fresh start, making a resolution is not always the best idea for long term behavioral change success. The pressure of striving for perfection so as not to “break” our resolutions can be counterproductive, causing us to feel like failures when we make a mistake, but making mistakes is a very human thing to do! So, how do we take advantage of the motivation and inspiration the new year brings, while setting ourselves up for success? It’s as simple and as hard as changing our mindsets. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, we teach clients about the Cognitive Triangle. The Cognitive Triangle (or Cognitive Triad) is a way of picturing how we operate as humans. Each point of the triangle is labeled as either Thoughts, Feelings, or Actions, and arrows indicate the multidirectional influence each of these have on the other. This means that we can influence our own behavior by changing our thoughts and our feelings. We can influence our feelings by changing our thoughts and our behaviors, and we can influence our thoughts by changing our feelings and behaviors. Easier said than done, right? This is why it’s helpful to have a good mental heatlh counselor on your team to help you through the process. We can still make changes on our own as long as we plan ahead, set specific goals, and track our progress - not perfection!
Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC. You can read more about her here. 
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 Ah, the holidays… the universal time of giving thanks, good cheer, peace, family… and pain. Nothing is ever the same after the death of someone we love, and that stark contrast between life “before” and life “after” is never so sharp as in the holiday season. Everyone seems to be happy, while we are stifling the urge to shout, “Stop! How can you go on as if nothing has happened, as if my world hasn’t just ended?”
The year my father died, it was right before Halloween. Although I knew it was coming, it felt like a sucker punch to the gut when it happened. I had a lot of regrets that first holiday season. I regretted not spending more time talking with him and visiting him. I regretted gently teasing him the previous year for the repeated “Happy Thanksgiving” phone calls when the Alzheimer’s caused him to forget that he had already called. I regretted taking it for granted that he’d still be around for a long time. I regretted that I hadn’t asked more questions about his early childhood memories and his grandparents who died before I was born. And that first Christmas without him? That was the first Christmas I didn’t have the heart to decorate. It’s been six years now, and I’ve lost a few more people - some to natural causes, some to suicide. The horror is fresh every time. I am still adjusting to a world without my Dad in it, but the passage of time has brought some healing, some insight, and some new skills with which to handle the grief. Here are some ways that can help you through the holidays:
If you’ve experienced a loss and need help through this time, please contact me to schedule an appointment. I’m here to help. Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC. You can read more about her here. Image credit: Fostering Forever  Congratulations on adding to your family! Nothing compares to the joy of being a parent - but as we parents know, there are moments when we feel inadequate to the task. When we adopt from foster care, there are resources we can access, at little to no cost to the family.
First Things First While adoption day is a significant and joyful milestone in a family’s life, it can be bittersweet for the child. Yes, they are “officially” a member of the family, but they are also re-experiencing the loss of their biological family. Depending on the age of the child, developmental level, the number of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) they’ve had, and the number of placements they have been in before the adoption, they may have mixed feelings that are expressed behaviorally. Even children adopted at birth may later express feelings of loss, as they had a bond with their biological parents while in the womb. Each time your child was removed from one home and placed in another, they experienced trauma. This is magnified exponentially with each new placement, and is a major contributor to the Foster Care to Prison Pipeline. Common Challenges Traumatized children communicate through their behavior, and yes, that includes teens. Parents sometimes express concern that a well-behaved child has “suddenly” become very poorly behaved when they hit the teen years. This is to be expected, and can be planned for and handled sensitively to guide the child into improved behavior. Some common challenges with kids who have been in foster care are:
Fortunately, with the loving support of parents and knowledgeable counselors, our children can and do make it through these challenges, avoid the pipeline, and become healthy adults. What Do We Do? You may have heard the Nigerian expression “It takes a village to raise a child”, and in this case, it’s certainly helpful to have a supportive community. Parents, however, are the key to success. This is not a situation in which parents can drop a child off for an hour of counseling every week and expect everything to be okay. This is the type of situation in which parenting becomes the remedy. Your effort is a major key to your child’s success. With that understanding, here are my top tips for parenting children who have been traumatized through the foster care system. N.B. This is not a comprehensive list, and is not a substitute for professional mental health counseling.
The most important thing is to put in the time doing the things that will help your child get through these rough patches. Parenting, especially of traumatized children, is different and often not instinctual like we expect it will be before we become parents. Be open to advice from professionals, be patient (it takes time!), and enjoy the experience. You’re building history. Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC. You can read more about her here.  Imagine being the first police officers or paramedics to arrive on a scene after a child has been the victim of an acid attack, a wife has been killed by her husband in front of their children, or a teen is tearfully reporting the details of a sexual assault.
Imagine being the doctor, nurse, or emergency room staff who treat these victims, or the medical examiners and morticians who respectfully care for a victim’s remains while answering calls from grieving family members. Now imagine having these experiences a few times a month or more, depending on where you live. Imagine doing this over and over while sleep-deprived, under pressure to perform your job to ensure the best possible outcome for the victims, and sometimes putting your own life at stake in the process. The scenarios in the first paragraph come from my own professional experiences as a mental health counselor, and even just hearing the victims tell their stories can lead to vicarious trauma over time - and that’s not even seeing the events as they are happening! Luckily, mental health counselors have an ethical obligation to maintain our own mental health by regularly checking in with our own counselors and maintaining a strong self-care routine. However, those doing battle on the front lines, whether actual military engaged in war or law enforcement and healthcare professionals on the front lines of rescue, often suffer silently. They frequently experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, and suicidal ideation, and often attempt to cope with their distress by substance use. They have increased suicide rates, as more die by suicide than in the line of duty (Tiesman et al., 2021). Both the symptoms experienced and the suicide rates occur at rates significantly higher than the general population. Despite this clear indicator of emotional and mental anguish, few in these rescue fields seek mental health treatment. Their reasons for not seeking treatment include, but are not limited to worries about remaining on the job and the lack of providers who understand the first responders’ unique experiences (Luster, 2022). If you are one of these men or women who needs some relief from the despair or wants to build resilience before it happens, from someone who “gets it” a little more than the average provider, please contact me. Your privacy and pain relief are my highest concerns. References Luster, R. (2022, September 9). First responders and mental health: When heroes need Rescuing. Psychiatric Times. Retrieved December 5, 2023, from https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/First-responders-and-mental-health- when-heroes-need-rescuing Tiesman, H. M., Elkins, K. L., Brown, M., Marsh, S., & Carson, L. M. (2021, April 6). Suicides among first responders: A call to action. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Retrieved December 5, 2023, from https://blogs.cdc.gov/niosh-science- blog/2021/04/06/suicides-first-responders/ |
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