Congratulations on adding to your family!  Nothing compares to the joy of being a parent - but as we parents know, there are moments when we feel inadequate to the task.  When we adopt from foster care, there are resources we can access, at little to no cost to the family.  


First Things First

While adoption day is a significant and joyful milestone in a family’s life, it can be bittersweet for the child.  Yes, they are “officially” a member of the family, but they are also re-experiencing the loss of their biological family.  Depending on the age of the child, developmental level, the number of Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) they’ve had, and the number of placements they have been in before the adoption, they may have mixed feelings that are expressed behaviorally.  Even children adopted at birth may later express feelings of loss, as they had a bond with their biological parents while in the womb. 

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Each time your child was removed from one home and placed in another, they experienced trauma.  This is magnified exponentially with each new placement, and is a major contributor to the Foster Care to Prison Pipeline.  

Common Challenges

Traumatized children communicate through their behavior, and yes, that includes teens.  Parents sometimes express concern that a well-behaved child has “suddenly” become very poorly behaved when they hit the teen years.  This is to be expected, and can be planned for and handled sensitively to guide the child into improved behavior.

Some common challenges with kids who have been in foster care are:

• Lying
• Stealing (especially food)
• Collecting small items
• Bedwetting
• Defiance
• Emotional outbursts

Fortunately, with the loving support of parents and knowledgeable counselors, our children can and do make it through these challenges, avoid the pipeline, and become healthy adults.  
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What Do We Do?
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You may have heard the Nigerian expression “It takes a village to raise a child”, and in this case, it’s certainly helpful to have a supportive community.   Parents, however, are the key to success.  This is not a situation in which parents can drop a child off for an hour of counseling every week and expect everything to be okay.  This is the type of situation in which parenting becomes the remedy.  Your effort is a major key to your child’s success.  With that understanding, here are my top tips for parenting children who have been traumatized through the foster care system.  N.B. This is not a comprehensive list, and is not a substitute for professional mental health counseling. 
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• Contact your Post Adoption Case Manager for assistance.
• Find a Mental Health Counselor, preferably one who is Adoption Competency certified, and begin services.
• Don’t sweat the small stuff - keep the rules to a couple of safety issues only, depending on age and developmental level of the child.  Creating a long list of rules is self-defeating and sends the wrong message to the child.  
• Do keep a basket or drawer full of snacks that your child can help themselves to at any time, day or night, with no repercussions.  Keep it stocked. 
• Do constantly build the relationship by spending significant quality time with your child (this can include doing tasks together, such as cooking the family meal, as well as fun time).  Your mental health counselor can advise you on activities that enhance bonding/attachment that are appropriate to your child’s age and developmental level.  
• Do learn what’s normal teenage behavior.  Sassy comments, testing limits, and “rejecting” parents are all part of the normal developmental process and are not cause for alarm.  Biological children do this, too!
• Do get your child involved in sports, clubs, or other activities that he/she enjoys.  This directs their energy in a positive direction and builds their sense of community.  
• Do not prevent your child from attending activities or participating in holidays or friends’ birthdays as a punishment. 
• Do use praise to highlight your child’s efforts, not results.  Example:  “I noticed how well you took notes in math, and did your homework without being asked.  I’m so proud of you for working so hard!” 
• Do allow your child to experience the natural consequences of their actions when they have made a bad choice.  

The most important thing is to put in the time doing the things that will help your child get through these rough patches.  Parenting, especially of traumatized children, is different and often not instinctual like we expect it will be before we become parents.  Be open to advice from professionals, be patient (it takes time!), and enjoy the experience.  You’re building history.  
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Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC.  You can read more about her here. 

Imagine being the first police officers or paramedics to arrive on a scene after a child has been the victim of an acid attack, a wife has been killed by her husband in front of their children, or a teen is tearfully reporting the details of a sexual assault.  

Imagine being the doctor, nurse, or emergency room staff who treat these victims, or the medical examiners and morticians who respectfully care for a victim’s remains while answering calls from grieving family members.  

Now imagine having these experiences a few times a month or more, depending on where you live.  Imagine doing this over and over while sleep-deprived, under pressure to perform your job to ensure the best possible outcome for the victims, and sometimes putting your own life at stake in the process.  

The scenarios in the first paragraph come from my own professional experiences as a mental health counselor, and even just hearing the victims tell their stories can lead to vicarious trauma over time - and that’s not even seeing the events as they are happening!  Luckily, mental health counselors have an ethical obligation to maintain our own mental health by regularly checking in with our own counselors and maintaining a strong self-care routine.  

However, those doing battle on the front lines, whether actual military engaged in war or law enforcement and healthcare professionals on the front lines of rescue, often suffer silently.  They frequently experience Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), depression, and suicidal ideation, and often attempt to cope with their distress by substance use.  They have increased suicide rates, as more die by suicide than in the line of duty (Tiesman et al., 2021).  Both the symptoms experienced and the suicide rates occur at rates significantly higher than the general population.  

Despite this clear indicator of emotional and mental anguish, few in these rescue fields seek mental health treatment.  Their reasons for not seeking treatment include, but are not limited to worries about remaining on the job and the lack of providers who understand the first responders’ unique experiences (Luster, 2022). 

If you are one of these men or women who needs some relief from the despair or wants to build resilience before it happens, from someone who “gets it” a little more than the average provider, please contact me.  Your privacy and pain relief are my highest concerns.  

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References
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Luster, R. (2022, September 9). First responders and mental health: When heroes
     need Rescuing. Psychiatric Times. Retrieved December 5, 2023, from
     https://www.psychiatrictimes.com/view/First-responders-and-mental-health-
     when-heroes-need-rescuing
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Tiesman, H. M., Elkins, K. L., Brown, M., Marsh, S., & Carson, L. M. (2021, April 6).
     Suicides among first responders: A call to action. Centers for Disease Control and
     Prevention. Retrieved December 5, 2023, from https://blogs.cdc.gov/niosh-science-
     blog/2021/04/06/suicides-first-responders/
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Have you ever wondered why it's so relaxing to sit on a beach in the evening, watching and listening to the waves rhythmically roll in?  Or why the scent of crisp, fresh mountain air is so invigorating?
According to research, it's because nature contact works on our brains to reduce our stress.  
By incorporating as much direct nature contact as possible into our home and work environment, we can reduce our stress with little to no effort.   Why?  It could be due to the Biophilia Hypothesis, which in a nutshell, means our brains are programmed that way.   
If you'd like to learn a little more about the effects of stress on our minds and bodies, as well as how direct nature contact can be woven into our homes and offices, here's a video presentation to help.  

Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC.  You can read more about her here. ​

Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) is an evidenced-based psychotherapy practice originally developed by Marsha Linehan.   It has four modes, one of which is DBT Skills training.  DBT Skills training also has 4 components: mindfulness, distress tolerance, interpersonal effectiveness, and emotion regulation.   

Although there are a multitude of resources available online, I created this one for a specific client, a kinesthetic learner, who wanted to incorporate adult coloring with their therapy "homework".   

Please enjoy this free resource to use on your own or with clients.  

Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC.  You can read more about her here. ​

Mangrove trees are known for their ability to thrive in harsh conditions, growing in salty or brackish water in which most other trees can’t survive.  Their strong root systems enable them to survive the daily ocean tides and filter the water.  

Where mangroves grow, people are more protected from hurricane storm surges and tsunamis, as the tree roots form a protective shield against rushing water.  They are a great friend of the environment, providing habitats for young fish and removing more carbon dioxide from the atmosphere than any other tree species.  There are even stories handed down in many different cultures about mangroves, often with environmental and spiritual themes. 

Like the mangrove, our clients have survived harsh conditions.  They have lived in toxic environments and yet still remain standing.  Sometimes, they give of themselves to improve the lives of others.

When you’re facing the storms of life, let The Mangroves help you not just survive, but thrive, right where you live.

Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC.  You can read more about her here.  

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