No More Resolutions - 8 Steps to Real Change

The last resolution I made is the only one I’ve kept - to stop making New Year’s Resolutions.  While the new year is a great opportunity for a fresh start, making a resolution is not always the best idea for long term behavioral change success.  The pressure of striving for perfection so as not to “break” our resolutions can be counterproductive, causing us to feel like failures when we make a mistake, but making mistakes is a very human thing to do!

So, how do we take advantage of the motivation and inspiration the new year brings, while setting ourselves up for success?   It’s as simple and as hard as changing our mindsets.  

In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, we teach clients about the Cognitive Triangle.  The Cognitive Triangle (or Cognitive Triad) is a way of picturing how we operate as humans.  Each point of the triangle is labeled as either Thoughts, Feelings, or Actions, and arrows indicate the multidirectional influence each of these have on the other.  

This means that we can influence our own behavior by changing our thoughts and our feelings.  We can influence our feelings by changing our thoughts and our behaviors, and we can influence our thoughts by changing our feelings and behaviors.  Easier said than done, right?  This is why it’s helpful to have a good mental heatlh counselor on your team to help you through the process.

We can still make changes on our own as long as we plan ahead, set specific goals, and track our progress - not perfection!  

1. Do your research!  Do you want to lose weight?  Stop smoking?  Get a better job?  Do a little internet searching to find methods that will work for your personality and lifestyle.   
2. Set a SMART goal.  SMART is an acronym meaning Specific, Measurable, Actionable, Realistic, and Timely.   An example of a SMART goal might be something like “By the end of 1 year, I will have lost 25 lbs. by reducing carbs and increasing exercise each week.”   I highly recommend you only choose ONE goal to work on at a time.  Otherwise, it’s easy to get frustrated and feel overwhelmed, which discourages progress. 
3. Break your goal into baby steps.  Once you have your SMART goal written, break it down into smaller steps that you can easily achieve a little at a time, so you can succeed quickly and build on your successes.  For example, if your goal is to be able to do 100 crunches within six months, you might start with doing 10 crunches a day, 5 days a week for the first week, and adding 5 more a week after that.  This helps you feel good about your accomplishments and gives you confidence that you can continue, touching on the Emotions corner of your cognitive triangle.  
4. Find an ongoing distraction.  You’re going to need something to occupy that time and space in your mind so you don’t dwell on what you’re “giving up”.  This list of over 100 hobbies is a great place to start if you’re looking for ideas.  Hobbies distract us from cravings and cognitive distortions, which will be covered in a later post.   A new hobby is a great way to use our Behaviors triangle point to positively influence our Thinking triangle point.  
5. Lower your overall stress levels.  Keeping your stress levels low will help you succeed, as we often turn to bad habits to make ourselves feel better when we are stressed.  In an earlier post, I touched on the use of nature to reduce stress.  
6. Plan ahead for cravings and mistakes.  We’re human.  We’re going to have moments when we crave what we’re avoiding or cave into temptation.  It happens.  Don’t let it derail you!  Make a shortlist of things you can do (behaviors) and things you can tell yourself (thoughts) when you’re really wanting to give up, and keep it on your phone, or something else that is always with you.  Before you pick up that doughnut, or cigarette, etc. - call a friend who has agreed to talk with you during these times.  Go for a walk and breathe in the fresh air.  Get in the car and drive away from the temptation.  Anything that will distract you, get you away from the situation, or occupy your brain and time are good ideas for your shortlist.  Then, if it does happen, brush it off.  Progress is not a straight line.  Progress has ups and downs.  That’s normal.   
7. Journal.  I know, I know, some of us hate to journal, myself included, but when you are fighting those angry feelings or riding high on a wave of success, getting it down on paper or a keyboard helps us feel better.  This is a great way to track your progress, so you know how you’re doing.  ​
8. Reward yourself!  Celebrate your victories, you deserve it!  Some of my clients have bought themselves tools for their hobbies, made sticker charts just like when they were kids and added stickers to their calendar until they met weekly and monthly goals for bigger rewards, or used quality time with someone important to them as rewards.  

Please also remember - if you would like help making your life better, please contact me for individual counseling.  

Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC.  You can read more about her here. ​

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