What Gen X Gets Right in Mental Health

​You’ve seen the memes.   Gen X is arguably the last generation to be locked out of the house on a summer day because they “kept going in and out”.  They were the last to play outside all day and only come home when it got dark or when hungry. They could play Cowboys and Indians with real cap guns and no fear of offending anyone.  And they pioneered mainstreaming new technology.  So what is it about Gen X that makes them the (mostly) uncomplaining “in-betweeners” of the Boomers and Millennials/Gen Z?  Better yet, why are Gen Xers better able to understand younger generations than their Boomer parents, and better able to manage distress to maintain good mental health than their Millenial/Gen Z offspring?  (Don’t worry, other generations: articles about your strengths are forthcoming.)   The short answers are resiliency, internal locus of control, emotional regulation, and conflict resolution skills. 

• Resiliency -  While the economy was good in the 80s, it was not so good in the 70s.  While some Gen Xers were too young to remember, there was gas rationing and not much money to go around.  For many families, this meant one winter coat purchased big so it could be used for a few years.  Pants and sometimes shoes would also be purchased with “room to grow”.  If you left your coat at school, you went to school the next day without one and froze the whole bus ride or walk.  No, parents didn’t drive kids to school back then.  The family usually only had one car, and that was what Dad took to work.  If you forgot your lunch, you didn’t eat lunch.   If someone was bullying you at school and threatened to hit you, you were told to hit them back.  Parents didn’t come to the rescue of Gen X, they were taught to fight their own battles.  The small sufferings and inconveniences they suffered and survived along the way created resiliency.  

 

• Internal Locus of Control - Gen X were raised with parents/grandparents who survived the Great Depression and never forgot it.  They imparted the importance of self-sufficiency for survival, and encouraged critical thinking in their descendents.  When Gen X asked a question, they were told to “go look it up in the encyclopedia” or “use your head for something other than a hatrack”.  With the rise of feminism and women’s rights bringing more women into the workforce, many Gen Xers were coming home to an empty house and were responsible for caring for themselves and any younger siblings.  They were largely not given an allowance, or if they were, it was small.  Chores were expected to be done as a member of the family.  They received encouragement when they attempted to solve a problem and praised when they succeeded.  With this early and repeated emphasis and practical application of doing things themselves, Gen X developed a sense of self-efficacy.  It is this confidence and their well developed problem solving abilities that lead to Gen X assessing a problem and addressing it head on, by themselves, without making a fuss.  

 

• Emotional Regulation Skills - If only Gen X had a nickel for every time they were told “Stop your crying, or I’ll give you something to cry about”!   Parents were told to let babies “cry it out” alone in their cribs.  This meant that Gen X had to sit with those feelings of distress and learn how to soothe their own emotions, because no one else was going to do it for them.  If you wanted a toy or a new bike, you had to wait for Christmas to see if Santa would bring it or carefully save your small allowance for weeks or months to buy it yourself. This is how they learned delayed gratification - another means of managing their emotions.  

 

• Conflict resolution -  Gen X had siblings, and usually more than one.  This meant sharing rooms, sharing bathrooms, and sharing toys.  Cartoons were only on Saturday mornings, and you weren’t allowed to watch television all day.  You were sent outside to play with all the other neighborhood kids.  If you bickered with your siblings enough, each of you got a smack and told to “shape up”.  Younger siblings were told not to be “tattle-tales”.  Disputes with neighborhood kids were resolved with escalating insults of varying creativity, such as “nanny, nanny, boo boo, stick your head in poo poo” and the dreaded “I’m rubber, you’re glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you”.   Of course, the really cool kids could get away with “So, so, suck my toe, all the way to Mexico.  While you’re there, comb your hair, and don’t forget your underwear!”  (I don’t know what was so offensive about the mention of underwear, but it made your opponent’s blood boil.)  As a result, Gen X learned how to negotiate conflicts with others on their own in a way that restored peace and kept everyone from getting a smack.  

These four items are often included as foci in modern mental health counseling services.  When clients learn these types of skills, they often have better relationships (not just romantic!), are more able to navigate the complicated social systems of the workplace, and experience an improvement in overall mood.   This is likely due to the empowerment and confidence that knowing what to do, when to do it, and recalling past successes provide.  

So, Boomers, what can you learn from Gen X about mental health?  You’ve watched them grow, so you likely already know that stifling the expression of emotions can lead to mental health and relationship issues.  Try risking some vulnerability and talking about your fears to your children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren.  If you feel that you need to give advice, do it in the form of asking questions, which is perceived as less annoying to the younger generations who might feel they need to be perfect to earn your approval.  Involve them in your hobbies or join them in theirs to increase bonding and attachment without the pressure of trying to say the right thing.  

Millennials and Gen Z, what is your take away?  Hopefully, you’ll be less judgemental of older generations and understand that they are loving you the best way they know how.  Try something brave by taking the initiative to resolve a small issue you’re having without pointing blame or letting your emotions get the better of you.  I’m looking at you, anxiety and depression.  Yes, it’s hard, and people sometimes say hurtful things - but the more you succeed, the more your confidence will increase.  Also, be okay with disagreement.  The most important diversity we have is diversity of thought.  Try explaining your points calmly with more facts and evidence, and less emotionality.  Older generations will receive the messages better and may surprise you with a change of opinion.  Ask them for advice about a problem you’re having.  It makes them feel needed and respected by you, and as your generation knows well, we must first give respect if we want to have respect.  

With all generations, it’s important to ask for help when things become too much to handle on your own.  Just because we have good skills and good support systems does not mean we can always survive a flood of trouble without professional help.   

Stay tuned for upcoming profiles of your generation’s mental health strengths! 

Heidi Jameson, LMHC is the founder of The Mangroves Seeds of Change, LLC.  You can read more about her here. ​

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